Tuesday, February 17, 2015
98 pounds
He didn't even open his eyes as my tear fell silently on his sleeve, making the royal blue an even darker hue. I lifted the shell of his frame to put my arm underneath him as Carly and I climbed into his bed. There are no responses anymore. Our moments together are one-sided, for just me. He doesn't know I'm there, but I do. I can still love on him, hold his hand, kiss his forehead. Like his mind, his body is now simply wasting away. 98 pounds. I don't know what to think, what to feel, except sadness. Such deep sadness.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Stack of papers
There have been lots of piles to sort through around here these days. Mostly, the piles get tossed away; not much of value, but the stack of papers I found last night could have held me captive for hours. They carried me away to a place I really didn't intend to be, but a place I discovered I really didn't want to leave.
The faded, yellow, tattered-edges pages filled with handwriting: some large scrolling letters, others small hard-to-read script were voices from the past. As I read, the handwriting seemed to match the writers' voices in my mind, so that I could almost hear the words spoken from the page. Reading letter after letter, checking the postmark dates, I could piece together what was happening in the family history... I read happy letters from Cora with the little scribbles from "Dabber and Tat" and then those same postmarks from GA were no longer in Aunt Cora's writing, but return address said "Virgil and Grace" and I learned during a very dark time for the family that Virg and Grace stayed with Cora to help see her through following Little Joe's tragic death. There were updates on Cora's condition as well as what was happening in the court system with "the old man" that pulled the trigger that fateful day.
There were letters from Agnes about her brothers Wallace and Georgie (yes, a grown man that everyone still called "Georgie"---still doesn't seem possible that he's gone from us now so recently). A very newsy letter from Agnes's mother, that made me laugh because it was just SO Luella! Details about townsfolk and many requests to "write back when you can" and "answer this letter soon."
There were letters from Aunt Vi, written in a much-younger version of her familiar script.
Many "voices" speaking I recognized, however one particular writer remained silent to me. I had never seen this penmanship before, as I have never heard her voice.
"My dear son," many of the letters began. They were addressed to my father and his family, "Dear son, daughter and grandsons, " Since my grandmother died before I was born, it was simply fascinating to hear about life from her perspective! She would tell about the weather, and say how proud she was of my brothers. She would talk about her own children scattered around the country; Zovadia in Detroit, others in Chicago and Mitchell's family in Florida. She would mention her husband's declining health ("Dady" this and "Dady" that) and share news from the hometown happenings.
I loved seeing the letters from her addressed to my brothers. "Ma-ma loves you." One in particular sent to Larry on his birthday said to "share the 1.00 $ from Ma-ma and Pa-pa with your brother Barry if you want to." The handwriting in those letters from her grew weaker and more frail, and the corresponding letters from dad's sisters would talk about their mother's treatments (cancer) and failing health, during that time.
Then only letters from the sisters and the postmarks dated after Ma-ma's death. The pen was stilled, but her voice still speaks through her written words.
And the piercing line in the letter from the sister (as family members dispersed across the map) left to live out her own life in their hometown, written just weeks after Ma-ma's funeral when life had resumed, yet grief still so real: "It seems as though everyone has forgotten."
I learned much about my family through reading that stack of papers that could have easily been mistaken for trash. I learned that they had good times together, loved each other fiercely. I learned, too, that times were hard in a lot of ways. There was some division, heartache, financial strains. There were words of gratitude for money orders sent across the miles, talk of "still feeling the bite of unemployment", questions of family bread-winners getting called back to their places of work. It helped me understand why the sisters still put out gardens and canned their yields well into years that others would consider "elderly." And it helped me see roots running deep in those Tennessee hills and family bonds that can never be severed; not by miles, hideous monster illnesses or even death.
That's why my heart aches sometimes, like it did last week, not to be able to visit a beloved cousin's sick bed in the hospital or partake in a very special 80th birthday celebration and why this devotional spoke right to my aching heart. God knew I needed reminded of what's to come and how important it is, while there's still time, to be sure that every possible family member will be able to join in that "Forever Hello"...... I CAN'T WAIT!!!!
The faded, yellow, tattered-edges pages filled with handwriting: some large scrolling letters, others small hard-to-read script were voices from the past. As I read, the handwriting seemed to match the writers' voices in my mind, so that I could almost hear the words spoken from the page. Reading letter after letter, checking the postmark dates, I could piece together what was happening in the family history... I read happy letters from Cora with the little scribbles from "Dabber and Tat" and then those same postmarks from GA were no longer in Aunt Cora's writing, but return address said "Virgil and Grace" and I learned during a very dark time for the family that Virg and Grace stayed with Cora to help see her through following Little Joe's tragic death. There were updates on Cora's condition as well as what was happening in the court system with "the old man" that pulled the trigger that fateful day.
There were letters from Agnes about her brothers Wallace and Georgie (yes, a grown man that everyone still called "Georgie"---still doesn't seem possible that he's gone from us now so recently). A very newsy letter from Agnes's mother, that made me laugh because it was just SO Luella! Details about townsfolk and many requests to "write back when you can" and "answer this letter soon."
There were letters from Aunt Vi, written in a much-younger version of her familiar script.
Many "voices" speaking I recognized, however one particular writer remained silent to me. I had never seen this penmanship before, as I have never heard her voice.
"My dear son," many of the letters began. They were addressed to my father and his family, "Dear son, daughter and grandsons, " Since my grandmother died before I was born, it was simply fascinating to hear about life from her perspective! She would tell about the weather, and say how proud she was of my brothers. She would talk about her own children scattered around the country; Zovadia in Detroit, others in Chicago and Mitchell's family in Florida. She would mention her husband's declining health ("Dady" this and "Dady" that) and share news from the hometown happenings.
I loved seeing the letters from her addressed to my brothers. "Ma-ma loves you." One in particular sent to Larry on his birthday said to "share the 1.00 $ from Ma-ma and Pa-pa with your brother Barry if you want to." The handwriting in those letters from her grew weaker and more frail, and the corresponding letters from dad's sisters would talk about their mother's treatments (cancer) and failing health, during that time.
Then only letters from the sisters and the postmarks dated after Ma-ma's death. The pen was stilled, but her voice still speaks through her written words.
And the piercing line in the letter from the sister (as family members dispersed across the map) left to live out her own life in their hometown, written just weeks after Ma-ma's funeral when life had resumed, yet grief still so real: "It seems as though everyone has forgotten."
I learned much about my family through reading that stack of papers that could have easily been mistaken for trash. I learned that they had good times together, loved each other fiercely. I learned, too, that times were hard in a lot of ways. There was some division, heartache, financial strains. There were words of gratitude for money orders sent across the miles, talk of "still feeling the bite of unemployment", questions of family bread-winners getting called back to their places of work. It helped me understand why the sisters still put out gardens and canned their yields well into years that others would consider "elderly." And it helped me see roots running deep in those Tennessee hills and family bonds that can never be severed; not by miles, hideous monster illnesses or even death.
That's why my heart aches sometimes, like it did last week, not to be able to visit a beloved cousin's sick bed in the hospital or partake in a very special 80th birthday celebration and why this devotional spoke right to my aching heart. God knew I needed reminded of what's to come and how important it is, while there's still time, to be sure that every possible family member will be able to join in that "Forever Hello"...... I CAN'T WAIT!!!!
A Forever Hello
After a week’s vacation with her daughter and 4-month-old grandson, Oliver, Kathy had to say goodbye until she could see them again. She wrote to me saying, “Sweet reunions like we had make my heart long for heaven. There, we won’t have to try to capture memories in our mind. There, we won’t have to pray for the time to go slowly and the days to last long. There, our hello will never turn into goodbye. Heaven will be a ‘forever hello,’ and I can’t wait.” As a first-time grandma, she wants to be with her grandson Oliver as much as possible! She’s thankful for any time she can be with him and for the hope of heaven—where the wonderful moments will never end.
Our good days do seem too short, and our difficult days far too long. But both kinds of days cause us to long for even better days ahead. The apostle Paul said that he and the Corinthians longed to be “clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life” (2 Cor. 5:4 niv). Although the Lord is with us in this life, we cannot see Him face to face. Now we live by faith, not by sight (v.7).
God made us for the very purpose of being near to Him always (v.5). Heaven will be a forever hello.
Face to face—O blissful moment!
Face to face—to see and know;
Face to face with my Redeemer,
Jesus Christ who loves me so! —Breck
Face to face—to see and know;
Face to face with my Redeemer,
Jesus Christ who loves me so! —Breck
Now we see Jesus in the Bible, but then, face to face.
Friday, September 12, 2014
12 year old with a hair cut.
This is a picture of the Ferguson Family BK ( Before Kimberly).
Actually, This little gem is taken in the Mid to late 1960's.
Love mom's hair, looks like she might fly away. And yes, Barry and
I had haircuts, only a mother could love and, a Dad could give.
Dad gave us these hair cuts. We "LOVED" when Dad gave us the infamous
Dad gave us these hair cuts. We "LOVED" when Dad gave us the infamous
"HAIR CUTS" :) Although, I would give anything for Dad to be able
to give me a hair cut today.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Those who were before us
Here is a Picture of my Grandmother Iva (Jodon) Berkheimer (Left) Her brother Marvin Jodon and Her Sister Sally (Jodon) Detwiler. All were extremely intelligent and a pleasure to be around. Marvin always had some kind of joke or trick to play. Sally amazed me with her depth of knowledge, and my Grandmother Iva was a well spoken and very classy person who Loved and followed my Pop Pop Millard Berkheimer to the end of the earth. They all three, share a place in my memories and in my heart. You are missed but not forgotten.
Below is the next Generations
Missing: Bud Detweiler, Nancy (Jodon) Prescott, David Berkheimer, Susan (Berkeimer) Hewitt, and Anne Lucille (Detweiler) Petit-Clerk.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Marty Ferguson
I like this picture because this shows Dad's personality. This picture is taken several years before the time dad started exhibiting symptoms of Alzheimer's. The Picture was taken at Peter and Kimberly's house. You can see on the picture in the back that there is only Emily Kim and Peter are in the family Picture.
Saturday, August 30, 2014
Juicy Fruit Gum
Today I was at the check out counter and glanced up and saw something that took me back to my child hood with Dad. It was the Yellow pack of Juicy Fruit gum.
Sometimes in the car as we drove along or at the New Holland Fair in the cool autumn, or out on a Duck hunt Dad would say. "You want some Gum?" I would always say "Yeah", and out from his pocket would come along with a folded up paper towel a pack of Juicy Fruit gum with one or two sticks left in the pack. Dad would always take one stick of gum and tear it in half, so I would have a half a stick of gum and Dad would have a half a stick of gum.
I am not sure why these memories stick in my head, but I am glad they do, as many of my memories of my Daddy seem to be less than what they once where.
Sometimes in the car as we drove along or at the New Holland Fair in the cool autumn, or out on a Duck hunt Dad would say. "You want some Gum?" I would always say "Yeah", and out from his pocket would come along with a folded up paper towel a pack of Juicy Fruit gum with one or two sticks left in the pack. Dad would always take one stick of gum and tear it in half, so I would have a half a stick of gum and Dad would have a half a stick of gum.
I am not sure why these memories stick in my head, but I am glad they do, as many of my memories of my Daddy seem to be less than what they once where.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Birthdays in Heaven?
Are birthdays celebrated in heaven?!
One very special lady would be 100 years old today!!
Read about her entrance into this earthly world a century ago!
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