"See Me" Poem ~Author Unknown

What do you see, nurse... what do you see?
Are you thinking - when you look at me:
"A crabbed old woman, not very wise;
Uncertain of habit with far-away eyes,

Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice 'I do wish you'd try.'"
Who seems not to notice the things that you do
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe;

Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.
Is that what you're thinking, is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse. You're not looking at me!

I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still.
As I move at your bidding, eat at your will:
- I'm a small child of ten with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters who love one another;
- A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon a love she'll meet;
- A bride at twenty, my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep;
- At twenty-five now I have young of my own
Who need me to build a secure, happy home.
- A woman of thirty, my young now grow fast.
Bound together with ties that should last.
- At forty, my young sons have grown up and gone,
But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn;
- At fifty once more babies play 'round my knee
Again we know children, my loved ones and me...

Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead.
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years
and the love that I've known.

I'm an old woman now, and nature is cruel.
'Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart.
There is a stone where I once had a heart.

But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now again my bittered heart swells;
I remember the joys, I remember the pain
and I'm loving and living life over again;

I think of the years, all too few, gone too fast
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last;
So open your eyes, nurse, open and see...
not a crabbed old woman.
Look closer... see me!

Unrelated ideas

I have a couple of thoughts are doing somersaults in my head and I wanted to post all three before I forgot...they are not exactly connected, but I will post them just the same.


A quote I heard from James MacDonald (Walk in the Word) Why Some Trials Never End:
"If God didn't intend to use it for eternity, He never would have allowed it." Rings true to what Larry always says about God using hardships for our GREATER good.

A powerful quote from Nancy Leigh DeMoss (Revive Our Hearts)How to Show Strength and Dignity:
"Anything that makes me need God is a blessing." Sure Re-defines the term "blessing."

A humorous quote from Dad this week:
Dad was in his bed with his eyes closed, drifting in and out of sleep. He said to Mom, "You are such a sweet girl, if I could pick from the whole world, I couldn't find anyone better."
Carly was climbing on his bed just then and dumped a very large amount of very cold hand sanitizer right onto the palm of his hand. Now remember he has his eyes closed, so he doesn't know what's coming or who is doing it...of course he hollered out and said to Mom, "I just gave you a compliment, now I have to take it all back!"

A day for love--February 14, 2010

Has it really been a year?

Has it really been a year since Dad left home? Seems hard to believe. As my children and I lie around the house with various forms of sickness this weekend, we have turned to one true source of entertainment...old home movies. What a treasure! To see Dad whole, with a full face and twinkle in his eye, to hear his voice, but most of all to hear him laugh, oh his glorious, contagious laughter!...it brings a smile to my face and a sting to my soul.
I even have a short clip of him just six months ago, it shocks me to see his decline since then. But that clip is still a treasure nonetheless as I have filmed him praying.
This kind of grief is so strange...it's like he's already gone, but I still have the privilege to be able to hold the warm hand of the man who is my father. Not the father I have known, but he is still my father, regardless.
It's been over a week now, since I've been to see him....boo, illness, go away!! Although, truly, for those we love, can anything, even death itself, ever separate us?

Dad in Tennessee

Dad was in Tennessee yesterday.
Emily spent an hour with him while other family members had a meeting with the staff and several times he referred to Tennessee.
He asked Emily if she had seen Wallace lately.
And as a picture of yesteryear hangs over his bed (directly in his line of vision), he is reminded of those he holds dear. The faces in the photo are of his parents, Luella, Viola, Cora, Virg and himself as a young man (with several pictures of his uniform-clad brothers framed on the wall in the background.) I believe it was taken on the occasion of a wedding anniversary.
Glancing up at the photo, he mentioned Luella to Emily. And Zovadia.
Often he will ask if anyone knows the where-abouts of his parents.
"Want some coffee, Virg?" was another comment.
He seemed comfortable and not distressed in any way to discuss his beloved family, so I am glad that these precious people are returning to him in his mind's eye.

Romans 8
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

What does the Love of Christ feel like?
What does the love of Christ feel like to my Daddy.
Is my Father warm and safe? Does he feel love? The Love that is mentioned above?
In this season of Love safety and closeness is there love and safety and closeness at a hospital bed in Narvon Pennsylvania, in a room marked Marshall Ferguson?
Please Jesus love him because we are separated by a great "power" much larger than we can tame. We trust these words we trust you, please shine your love to my Dad today.

Gone before we were ready

Today as I left the nursing home in a torrent of emotion, my eye caught sight of the sun blazing a pinkish hue, setting in the western sky across the snow-covered fields. I wanted a picture. This is the view from Dad's window. However, in the time it took for me to drive to the end of the home's driveway and back again, fumbling with my camera, the sun sank lower and lower out of view. The words slipped out of my mouth before I realized how poignant and symbolic they were: "it's gone before I was ready."

Life's evening sun is sinking low,
a few more days and I must go,
to meet the deeds that I have done,
where there will be no setting sun.