A day for love--February 14, 2010

Has it really been a year?

Has it really been a year since Dad left home? Seems hard to believe. As my children and I lie around the house with various forms of sickness this weekend, we have turned to one true source of entertainment...old home movies. What a treasure! To see Dad whole, with a full face and twinkle in his eye, to hear his voice, but most of all to hear him laugh, oh his glorious, contagious laughter!...it brings a smile to my face and a sting to my soul.
I even have a short clip of him just six months ago, it shocks me to see his decline since then. But that clip is still a treasure nonetheless as I have filmed him praying.
This kind of grief is so strange...it's like he's already gone, but I still have the privilege to be able to hold the warm hand of the man who is my father. Not the father I have known, but he is still my father, regardless.
It's been over a week now, since I've been to see him....boo, illness, go away!! Although, truly, for those we love, can anything, even death itself, ever separate us?

Dad in Tennessee

Dad was in Tennessee yesterday.
Emily spent an hour with him while other family members had a meeting with the staff and several times he referred to Tennessee.
He asked Emily if she had seen Wallace lately.
And as a picture of yesteryear hangs over his bed (directly in his line of vision), he is reminded of those he holds dear. The faces in the photo are of his parents, Luella, Viola, Cora, Virg and himself as a young man (with several pictures of his uniform-clad brothers framed on the wall in the background.) I believe it was taken on the occasion of a wedding anniversary.
Glancing up at the photo, he mentioned Luella to Emily. And Zovadia.
Often he will ask if anyone knows the where-abouts of his parents.
"Want some coffee, Virg?" was another comment.
He seemed comfortable and not distressed in any way to discuss his beloved family, so I am glad that these precious people are returning to him in his mind's eye.

Romans 8
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

What does the Love of Christ feel like?
What does the love of Christ feel like to my Daddy.
Is my Father warm and safe? Does he feel love? The Love that is mentioned above?
In this season of Love safety and closeness is there love and safety and closeness at a hospital bed in Narvon Pennsylvania, in a room marked Marshall Ferguson?
Please Jesus love him because we are separated by a great "power" much larger than we can tame. We trust these words we trust you, please shine your love to my Dad today.

Gone before we were ready

Today as I left the nursing home in a torrent of emotion, my eye caught sight of the sun blazing a pinkish hue, setting in the western sky across the snow-covered fields. I wanted a picture. This is the view from Dad's window. However, in the time it took for me to drive to the end of the home's driveway and back again, fumbling with my camera, the sun sank lower and lower out of view. The words slipped out of my mouth before I realized how poignant and symbolic they were: "it's gone before I was ready."

Life's evening sun is sinking low,
a few more days and I must go,
to meet the deeds that I have done,
where there will be no setting sun.

GOD IS BIGGER

Bigger Than Any Mountain (lyrics)

Bigger than all my problems, Bigger than all my fears
God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see
Bigger than all my questions, Bigger than anything
God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see
Bigger than all the shadows that fall across my back
God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see
Bigger than all the confusion, Bigger than anything
God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see
Bigger than all the giants, fear and unbelief
God is bigger than any mountain I can or cannot see
Bigger than all my hangups, Bigger than anything
God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see

Family Photos from the 12-8-2009