We have been forced to ask the hard question now for quite a while--what is best for Dad? It is an continual giving up our own personal desires on behalf of Dad's best interests. I have come to realize that at Dad's current state of mind, it is too confusing for me to visit him without bringing Mom along. He seems to associate with seeing me that Mom should be present, too. And as for visits with my children, it is a catch-22; he seems bothered with me if I don't bring all three along, but when we all come to see him, he quickly tires of their "child-like" behavior in his small and confined room.
It is becoming increasingly difficult to leave him. He gets very insistent on going along when we prepare to leave. He told me on Sunday that he wanted to head to Pikeville--it would only be 120 miles. It is very rare to leave him in a peaceful state where he is content be "left behind."
I must repeat to myself over and over-- this is what is best for Dad right now. It is out of my hands. But Dad is never out of the hands of the Almighty God. I can rest in that truth.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Thursday, March 12, 2009
True Love
In a culture that epitomizes youth with true love, I am struck again and again with the reality that true love between a husband and wife; deep, enduring, committed love that lasts, comes only after many years of facing life together. That realization hit me again yesterday as I watched my parents. Dad is unable to do much for himself, let alone care for Mom in any tangible way, yet she affectionately and tenderly greets him with, “How are you today, my love?” He vacillates between tenderness toward her and irritability at her. The rapid mood swings are part of the disease. One minute he will clench his teeth and shout angrily at her, often when he doesn’t understand some instruction, and the next minute he will be asking to kiss her on the cheek. It doesn’t seem to phase her; she calmly accepts it in stride as part of the horrid illness. She is one of the most gentle and patient individuals I have ever met.
Less than a month ago, the nursing home hosted a Valentine’s Day Dinner for residents and their spouses. The small dining room held less than a dozen round tables bedecked with red tablecloths, vases of fresh flowers and long-stemmed goblets. Each couple dined together as the piano played romantic songs from yesteryear. Dad was a mess that day. He needed help feeding himself. He couldn’t get the fork from his plate to his mouth and back down again without her hand guiding his arm. He set his glass awkwardly on the edge of his plate as Mom grabbed it to set it aright and keep from spilling the remaining beverage. He didn’t speak more than a few sentences the entire time.
Looking around, I saw residents in various stages of decline and ill health; I could hardly keep my emotions in check. What I observed was “fleshing out” the marriage vows of “til death do us part.” One resident’s husband had delivered a dozen red roses to his bride. The husband was wearing a 3-piece suit for this “date” with his wife who was too ill to even communicate with him. And on his face, he wore a contented smile as he maneuvered her wheelchair back to her room. These couples were just happy to be together. As I pushed Dad’s wheelchair back to his wing, my tears flowed as he reached for Mom who was walking beside his wheelchair and they moved hand in hand down the hallway.
On a recent day, I sat silent as I observed their interaction:
Dear Dad, in his state of confusion, quietly held Mom’s hand and asked her directly, “Where are you living at now, honey?”
“At home,” was the reply.
After a few seconds, Dad inquired, “And where is home?”
I watched her eyes as she paused and studied at the face of her beloved, her home had been wherever he was for so many years; location didn’t matter. What was she to say? She gave an address, “Near White Horse.”
That simple answer satisfied him, but broke my heart. Does that mean that their lifetime of shared memories is gone from his mind? He doesn’t know where his home is, but he knows that he feels at home--safe, secure and loved--with her. That’s all that matters.
Less than a month ago, the nursing home hosted a Valentine’s Day Dinner for residents and their spouses. The small dining room held less than a dozen round tables bedecked with red tablecloths, vases of fresh flowers and long-stemmed goblets. Each couple dined together as the piano played romantic songs from yesteryear. Dad was a mess that day. He needed help feeding himself. He couldn’t get the fork from his plate to his mouth and back down again without her hand guiding his arm. He set his glass awkwardly on the edge of his plate as Mom grabbed it to set it aright and keep from spilling the remaining beverage. He didn’t speak more than a few sentences the entire time.
Looking around, I saw residents in various stages of decline and ill health; I could hardly keep my emotions in check. What I observed was “fleshing out” the marriage vows of “til death do us part.” One resident’s husband had delivered a dozen red roses to his bride. The husband was wearing a 3-piece suit for this “date” with his wife who was too ill to even communicate with him. And on his face, he wore a contented smile as he maneuvered her wheelchair back to her room. These couples were just happy to be together. As I pushed Dad’s wheelchair back to his wing, my tears flowed as he reached for Mom who was walking beside his wheelchair and they moved hand in hand down the hallway.
On a recent day, I sat silent as I observed their interaction:
Dear Dad, in his state of confusion, quietly held Mom’s hand and asked her directly, “Where are you living at now, honey?”
“At home,” was the reply.
After a few seconds, Dad inquired, “And where is home?”
I watched her eyes as she paused and studied at the face of her beloved, her home had been wherever he was for so many years; location didn’t matter. What was she to say? She gave an address, “Near White Horse.”
That simple answer satisfied him, but broke my heart. Does that mean that their lifetime of shared memories is gone from his mind? He doesn’t know where his home is, but he knows that he feels at home--safe, secure and loved--with her. That’s all that matters.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
"Through It All"
I am stunned. We had "all-but" an acceptance for Dad in a facility with a higher level of care; a long drive for Mom but close to the boys. Then comes the news, Dad's application has been denied. Yet again. And still we wait. And pray. The assets are quickly depleting. God is yet on his throne. How quickly we forget God sees the big picture! God doesn't need money to care for Dad (or Mom, either, for that matter).
With tears, we prayed together as a family on Sunday--Mom, her children and spouses for God's clear leading, that he would close doors and guide and direct us in this process. It was a sweet time, especially when Larry prayed about us all standing together around the throne of heaven someday, beside Dad who will be healed and whole!
So can we rejoice in a closed door? Absolutely! It means God is working, guiding and directing--we asked Him to!
Do I forget the One who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth? (Isaiah 51) He is MY God! Praise Him.
"Through it all, through it all, I've learned to trust in Jesus, I've learned to trust in God. Through it all, through it all, I've learned to depend upon his Word."
With tears, we prayed together as a family on Sunday--Mom, her children and spouses for God's clear leading, that he would close doors and guide and direct us in this process. It was a sweet time, especially when Larry prayed about us all standing together around the throne of heaven someday, beside Dad who will be healed and whole!
So can we rejoice in a closed door? Absolutely! It means God is working, guiding and directing--we asked Him to!
Do I forget the One who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth? (Isaiah 51) He is MY God! Praise Him.
"Through it all, through it all, I've learned to trust in Jesus, I've learned to trust in God. Through it all, through it all, I've learned to depend upon his Word."
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Dad's prayer
Therapy says “this is as good as he will get.” Insurance says now we must self-pay. Many facilities say they don’t want him because of undesirable behavior. The professionals say with this disease, it is hard to predict what will trigger unusual actions. He doesn’t know where he is, has angry outbursts, refuses to comply, stays in bed for days at a time, he forgets words, but God has not forsaken him. The Spirit is still at work in his life. Amazing. This was his prayer at lunchtime on Tuesday…short, simple, yet clearly spoken and profound.
"Heavenly Father,
We ask you to help us with all the decisions we have to make this day. We thank you now for this food; bless it to our bodies’ needs. We pray for each of our children that you would guide and direct them so that we may honor you. In Jesus’ name, Amen."
"Heavenly Father,
We ask you to help us with all the decisions we have to make this day. We thank you now for this food; bless it to our bodies’ needs. We pray for each of our children that you would guide and direct them so that we may honor you. In Jesus’ name, Amen."
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Standing by the bedside (posted by K J A)
As my brother has said so many times when trials come, “Most often the life lessons are for those loved ones gathered around the bedside watching.” God is a big God; there’s a lesson in here for us all. This will be a posting mostly about me. What I have learned, what I am learning and what I need yet to learn, as I feel as though I’ve been “gathered around” this bedside for quite some time, perhaps standing here alone before the others arrived. I write this not to glorify myself—it’s NOT all about me, in fact, this is MUCH bigger than me, how big, I will never know until eternity. My intent is to glorify God alone. And to perhaps encourage you, the reader, as you join with me in remembering God’s faithfulness. A healthy look back spurs one to keep going; “for he himself has said, ‘Never will I leave thee, never will I forsake thee.’” My journal is full of quotes, phrases, songs and most of all, Scripture—words that have been a balm to my aching soul.
God will never allow any hurt into your life that cannot be used for eternity. –Beth Moore Bible Study
Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
The darker the night, the more glorious the sunrise. –“Friends of Israel” Speaker
Trials are for my “highest good” --James MacDonald, “God’s Amazing Love”
“Be kinder than necessary…for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly…leave the rest to God. Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” --Suzan
(This one was what my children realized as they walked the halls of the hospital—everyone is hurting in some way.)
Matthew 10:29-31 “Not even one sparrow falls to the ground apart form God’s will…do not fear, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” When we face difficult circumstances, fear may cause us to wonder if God is aware of our situation. Jesus’ teaching assures us that God cares deeply and is in control. His tracking of our lives will never fail. –Our Daily Bread, Jan 14, 2009
Psalm 46:1-3, 11 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear…the Lord of hosts is here among us; the God of Israel is our refuge.”
“Blessed be your name in the land that is plentiful where your streams of abundance flow, blessed be your name. Blessed be your name when I’m found in the desert place though I walk through the wilderness, blessed be your name. Blessed be your name when the sun’s shining down on me, when the world’s all as it should be, blessed be your name. Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering though there’s pain in the offering, blessed be your name. When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say, my heart will choose to say, Blessed Be Your Name!”
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12
Proverbs 3:5&6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path.”
Focus not so much on the solution, but focus on the One who has the solution! --Rick Warren via Jenifer in S.S.
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” Heb 12:2
“Therefore we do not lose heart…so we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Cor. 4:16-18
Isaiah 30:15, 18 “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength…blessed are all who wait for Him.” {The exact Hebrew word translated trust in this verse appears only once in the O T. The word bitchah means “there is nothing more that one can do.” ---Beth Moore} I’ve obeyed, there’s nothing more I can do but to trust.
Habakkuk 3:17-19 “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, YET I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.”
God will never allow any hurt into your life that cannot be used for eternity. –Beth Moore Bible Study
Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
The darker the night, the more glorious the sunrise. –“Friends of Israel” Speaker
Trials are for my “highest good” --James MacDonald, “God’s Amazing Love”
“Be kinder than necessary…for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly…leave the rest to God. Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” --Suzan
(This one was what my children realized as they walked the halls of the hospital—everyone is hurting in some way.)
Matthew 10:29-31 “Not even one sparrow falls to the ground apart form God’s will…do not fear, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” When we face difficult circumstances, fear may cause us to wonder if God is aware of our situation. Jesus’ teaching assures us that God cares deeply and is in control. His tracking of our lives will never fail. –Our Daily Bread, Jan 14, 2009
Psalm 46:1-3, 11 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear…the Lord of hosts is here among us; the God of Israel is our refuge.”
“Blessed be your name in the land that is plentiful where your streams of abundance flow, blessed be your name. Blessed be your name when I’m found in the desert place though I walk through the wilderness, blessed be your name. Blessed be your name when the sun’s shining down on me, when the world’s all as it should be, blessed be your name. Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering though there’s pain in the offering, blessed be your name. When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say, my heart will choose to say, Blessed Be Your Name!”
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12
Proverbs 3:5&6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path.”
Focus not so much on the solution, but focus on the One who has the solution! --Rick Warren via Jenifer in S.S.
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” Heb 12:2
“Therefore we do not lose heart…so we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Cor. 4:16-18
Isaiah 30:15, 18 “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength…blessed are all who wait for Him.” {The exact Hebrew word translated trust in this verse appears only once in the O T. The word bitchah means “there is nothing more that one can do.” ---Beth Moore} I’ve obeyed, there’s nothing more I can do but to trust.
Habakkuk 3:17-19 “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, YET I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.”
Thursday, February 12, 2009
"Love, Grammie"
How could two simple words elicit a flood of tears from me this morning? It was not what was said that brought the emotions, but what was NOT said that spoke volumes. The signature was simply and solely, “Love, Grammie.” The absence of Poppy’s name on my husband’s birthday card was glaringly evident and it hit me hard. Grief is unpredictable. It comes on its own timetable.
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)