Romans 8
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

What does the Love of Christ feel like?
What does the love of Christ feel like to my Daddy.
Is my Father warm and safe? Does he feel love? The Love that is mentioned above?
In this season of Love safety and closeness is there love and safety and closeness at a hospital bed in Narvon Pennsylvania, in a room marked Marshall Ferguson?
Please Jesus love him because we are separated by a great "power" much larger than we can tame. We trust these words we trust you, please shine your love to my Dad today.

Gone before we were ready

Today as I left the nursing home in a torrent of emotion, my eye caught sight of the sun blazing a pinkish hue, setting in the western sky across the snow-covered fields. I wanted a picture. This is the view from Dad's window. However, in the time it took for me to drive to the end of the home's driveway and back again, fumbling with my camera, the sun sank lower and lower out of view. The words slipped out of my mouth before I realized how poignant and symbolic they were: "it's gone before I was ready."

Life's evening sun is sinking low,
a few more days and I must go,
to meet the deeds that I have done,
where there will be no setting sun.

GOD IS BIGGER

Bigger Than Any Mountain (lyrics)

Bigger than all my problems, Bigger than all my fears
God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see
Bigger than all my questions, Bigger than anything
God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see
Bigger than all the shadows that fall across my back
God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see
Bigger than all the confusion, Bigger than anything
God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see
Bigger than all the giants, fear and unbelief
God is bigger than any mountain I can or cannot see
Bigger than all my hangups, Bigger than anything
God is bigger than any mountain that I can or cannot see

Family Photos from the 12-8-2009

Just a few years ago....

Our Love - To Ed, Karen, Kathy and Karla

Listen to the Words of this song



Rev 7:17 For the Lamb which is in the midst of the throne shall feed them, and shall lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes.

Jean Frazier

Eva Jean Frazier (February 7, 1937 - November 25, 2009)

Eva Jean Frazier, age 72 of Pikeville, went to be with the Lord early Wednesday morning, November 25, 2009 after a lenghty illness. She was a member of Mt. Crest United Methodist Church. She was preceded in death by her parents James Dawson and Eliza Mae Ladd, three brothers James Lewis (J. L.), Andrew and Claude Ladd; three sisters Edna Carpenter, Myrtle Lee Walker and Bernice Ladd. She is survived by her husband of 54 years Ed W. Frazier; three daughters Karen J. Ridolfo, Karla J. Simmons, Pikeville; Kathy (David) Wilson and two grandchildren Kalli and Karli Wilson of Stafford, Va; brother Litton G. Ladd, Pikeville; several nieces and nephews. Services will be held at 10:00 am CST Saturday in the funeral home chapel with Rev. John Smith, Rev. Greg Bartley and Rev. Brian Williamson officiating. Interment will be in Hollis and Viola F. Frazier Memorial Garden. Online condolences can be made at www.reedfamilyfh.com. Arrangements by Putnam-Reed Funeral Home, Hwy 127 South, Pikeville, TN. Visitation will be Friday 4-9 pm CST.

Thanksgiving 2009

Thanksgiving 2009

A thankful day

Poppy was in rare form yesterday as the girls and I went to visit. His movements were quicker, even his eyes moved from one person to another much faster!
He helped Carly sit on his lap in the wheelchair.
He commented to Emily about her audition for the musical, that he too was in "Pirates of the Penzance." He said maybe he would come see her in it!
He even directed me where to scratch his back--"up, up, straight down."
He made sure that even though it was afternoon that we had eaten breakfast, and when Carly asked him if he was thirsty, he replied, "No, Poppy's not. Are you? You may get some water for yourself, if you want."
He made a sarcastic joke at Mom like old times, "Go ahead, tell us all about it."

As Mom and I discussed a family member with health problems (a potential cancer diagnosis), he joined in the conversation with a statement with struck me--"we have a lot to be thankful for." What a powerful reminder from this unlikely source.

"Just a closer walk with Thee"

A dear lady stopped me in the church lobby on Sunday to say that she and her husband had been to visit Dad. With tears in her eyes, she told me about Dad's touching prayer. When asked if he would like to close their visit with prayer, Dad agreed to pray....
"Just a closer walk with Thee,
Just a closer walk with Thee,
dear Lord,
let it be."

November 13--HAPPY BIRTHDAY, POPPY!

Family photos - Taken in 2009

Indian Summer

Since we're already talking about sheep today....

At my visit with Dad today, this "Indian Summer" warmth allowed us to be outside in the sunshine. I told him that TJ is memorizing Psalm 23, did he know that one and would he like to say it with me? I started out slowly, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures..."
Dad interrupts me here and says in a firm, clear voice, "Speaking of lying down, I need to go lie down!" It made me chuckle!!! :)

Devotion from "Our Daily Bread" October 21, 2009

"We may well be dismayed at what life has for us this year and next, but our Shepherd knows the way we're taking. And He goes before. He will not lead us down paths too dangerous or too arduous where He cannot help us. He knows our limits. He knows the way to green pasture and good water; all we have to do is follow."

John 10:4 "When he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them; and the sheep follow him."

Be thankful "IN"...

I Thess. 5:18 IN all Circumstances, give thanks. (Not necessarily FOR all circumstances but IN all...)

Dad has Alzheimer's. Am I thankful FOR that? No, but even IN his disease, I am thankful that he seems to have gotten over this latest infection without hospitalization. He is back to sitting up in the wheelchair, wearing "street" clothes (not a hospital gown) and even taking his meals in the dining room, rather than being fed in his room. The fever is gone and he is eating again.

I am thankful that we can still hear Dad's voice sometimes. The time for Dad to initiate any conversation is over, but he will still answer questions! I am also thankful that he still knows us. Today when Mom greeted him, he voiced relief, "I am so glad you are home!" He still knows that he belongs with his bride!

Brothers

2007 was the last year that Dad was able to make it to the family reunion. Uncle Joe gave me this picture of him and Dad overseas, most likely Japan, as that was where Dad was stationed. The date on the back of the photo says August, 1955.
Joseph Hershel Ferguson died September 23, 2009.

Grief

Grief is a strange thing, mourning the passing of a loved one comes in unpredictable stages and phases. How does grief affect someone with dementia? That is the unanswerable question. Dad has suffered two loses within one week, his mother-in-law, Iva Berkheimer, has reached her heavenly home after 96 years. And Dad's oldest living brother, Joseph Hershel Ferguson, has passed away in California. As Dad has commented countless times, "we are going down the valley one by one."

Mystery

Today's visit is another reminder to me that the brain (and this disease) is a mystery. I am cautiously optimistic whenever I visit and see that Dad is alert and verbal. He was sitting up in his old recliner and my mind tried to fool itself into thinking that nothing was wrong with Dad, from this snapshot in my mind's eye. Today he actually called out for Carly (calling her "Goldilocks" just like old times). Before today (in my visits for over a month), he hasn't initiated any conversation. I didn't think that he still could! He heard mom say something about "chat" and he stopped her and said, "who had an attack?" If my conclusions are correct, his brain is slowing down to the point that it takes him so long to formulate a response to a question and while he is processing it, he loses concentration or forgets what he wants to say. So why did he have NOTHING to say when his nephew Randy visited two and a half weeks ago? (In the entire two hours, Dad might have said his name once.) And today he comes up with "Now my kids are all here. When the kids are all here, everything is OK." I just have to be thankful to have these short sentences from him and not try to figure out what makes him better on some days than others--that will remain a mystery.

Banana pudding and Yankee Doodle

 
 
 
 

Standing Firm

Dad sure can't physically stand at all, but I was amazed to hear a report of him standing firm in his convictions.

An evaluator at the nursing home tried to pump Dad for answers about some of his personal history, inquiring about his service to our country in both the Army and Marine Reserves, etc. She asked him if any of his military service included a little nip of the bottle here and there. He said no. Again she attempted to get the answer she was looking for, but to no avail. "Oh come now, it would be awfully hard to be in the service without a few sips!!" He continued to stand firm. It took quite a while for him to communicate the words, but when he did, they were profound...
"I saw enough of that at home."

Dad saw firsthand the devastating effects that alcohol can ravage on a family and he decided for his ENTIRE life that he wanted no parts of that. Even in his altered state of mind, he is still standing firm to that conviction.

Ephesians 5:18 And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;

A sweet Kiss

I wept as I glanced up to see my Mom steal a kiss from dad shortly after we arrived at Dad's new nursing home today. I thought to myself. There is true Love, I found it... My Parents 53 year journey together through the windy road of life, and now down this detour called Alzheimer's, brings them ever closer to the end of the road, yet there is still a kiss, still a sweet caress, and Still True Love.

A New Chapter

As my brother stated last night, today, Thursday, July 9, marks a new chapter in a very long saga for our family. Today we move Dad to a facility closer to Mom. God has answered our specific prayer of finding a location near to Mom--16 minutes to be exact. (A far cry from the 28 miles--one way--that she has traveled almost daily for the past 6 months.) The caring staff appears to be very family-oriented, truly having the resident's best interest at heart.

Ironically, Dad has now returned to the same little town where he and Mom "set up housekeeping" as newlyweds 53 years ago this very week.

Ferguson Family Reunion Comments (Kim) July 5, 2009

Uncle Virgil asked me to share a little about Dad and what we've been through. These were my notes...what I wanted to share. I'm not really sure exactly what I said, but this is what I intended to say!
Larry wanted to be here today to share, but due to medical emergencies, he was unable to make it. This is the first family reunion that he has missed since 1983! He had something recorded, but I have no coverage on the cell phone so we can't hear his message. So here's mine instead...
This past year or so has been difficult for our family as we say a long good-bye to our beloved Dad who has Alzheimer's Disease. Some of you understand the situation we face. We trust that our Heavenly Father knows best.
So we are here to represent Dad. It is hard to be here without him, but he would want us to carry on the traditions. Dad would want Mom to be here, too--you all havce been her family now for 53 years!
Dad taught his kids about linking the future with the past--teaching the next generation about family heritage. My own children love coming to Tennessee. TJ said the best thing about coming to TN (besides swimming in the George Hole) is "having a reunion." Poppy would be proud.

God has blessed this family with each other. This is certainly a unique family. I don't know of too many other families that have a reunion like this--returning to their roots once a year from all over the country. I am the youngest grandchild of Ed and Stella Ferguson and what an incredible blessing it is to have a family like this one!

Ferguson Family Reunion Comments (Larry) July 5, 2009

Psa 103:13 Like as a father pitieth [his] children, [so] the LORD pitieth them that fear him.

Psa 103:14 For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we [are] dust.

Psa 103:15 [As for] man, his days [are] as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.

Psa 103:16 For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more.

Psa 103:17 But the mercy of the LORD [is] from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children's children;



The psalmist reminds us of the brevity of life, it’s shortness it’s temporary nature.

Our Family, as many others here today, because of death have had to say goodbye to loved ones over the years. Some families like our family because of sickness are in the process of saying a long goodby to family members, Our comments are meant to express for them as well as ourselves.



For the past several years because of Alzheimer’s disease we have been saying a long good bye to our Father, and Husband, Marshall Ferguson. Dad continues to fight a loosing battling with this disease. Little by little Dad is slipping away from us. Although Dad is still with us in body his mind is not with us, he is not fully awareness of us. He has lost much short term memory. He is starting to forget family members. These past months have been particularly difficult for us, because in large part the essence of our lives is the shared memories from life. Dad has lost these memories. This illness with dad causes to look forward to the day when we will walk arm in arm with dad in glory, the day when we can reminisce about our lives and again share laughter with about our lives. We look forward to the day when there are no more good byes. We are living our lives today with that new bright morning in mind. Our desire in this long good bye is to honor our Father, and his life and, to give glory to our heavenly Father.



Psa 103:13 Like as a father pitieth [his] children, [so] the LORD pitieth them that fear him.

Psa 103:14 For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we [are] dust.

Psa 103:15 [As for] man, his days [are] as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.

Psa 103:16 For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more.

Psa 103:17 But the mercy of the LORD [is] from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children's children;

Doing the best he can!

Dad had some insurance-approved therapy on Thursday. Afterward as he contemplated getting into the bed himself, with only minimal assistance from me, I knew he was rather frustrated with himself and his inability to make his brain work to maneuver himself into the bed.
"It gets on your nerves when you can't get anything done," he said.
"I know, Dad. I know you're doing the best you can."
"You're absolutely right! I'm glad somebody understands," he replied.
Dad's doing the best he can. That day, part of his best was being able to kick off his own shoes. We rejoice in the small victories.

Words from Dad

As I left Dad's bedside on Wednesday, just as he was drifting off to sleep, I heard him say this profound statement, "It breaks my heart to know my kids need me more than I can help them."

"The Good Word on Poppy"

The weather was damp and dreary, a light drizzle fell from the sky. But to me, inside my head, the sun was shining brightly and warmly, not a cloud in the sky. I stood in the parking lot of the nursing care center, holding Carly in my one arm, her umbrella in my other, utterly amazed at what I saw. Dad, with the assistance of the new physical therapist and free of a walker, approached us, walking tentatively with tiny, shuffling steps...but still WALKING nonetheless!! I thought I would never see my father walk again this side of heaven.
We all walked together back to sit on the bench outside the facility. Dad was able to "scoot" over to make room for me to sit. The therapist commented that action was a cognitive challenge, but came naturally to him; he is "caring" for a family member without thinking about it. The skills can be achieved when they are "functionally presented. It's all in the approach" she has said. Having this well-trained and skilled therapist is like a breath of fresh air!
Back inside the building, we sat watching the rain at the patio and Dad was the first to notice a turtle crawling on the floorboards of the deck. "We'll call him, Tom. Tom Turtle," he said. Amazing! Going back to his room, Dad noticed a landmark out the window. I was surprised again at his attentiveness.
A staff member heard him call out to Carly as she ran in the dining room, "Don't get lost Carly, because Poppy will be lost without you." And she said, "He's so
sweet, I want to take him home with me!" Other staff have also
commented about how sweet, kind and talkative Dad is. (I did a
double-take to see if they were joking or not--they were serious! They said, "He's our JOY BUG.")
How can he be so out of it for days at a time and then have such good days?! This disease sure is mysterious! I'm not going to question it, but just be thankful for it!
I took the kids back in two days later because I wanted them to see Poppy in such good spirits. We had a lot of laughs--he certainly can be very entertaining! When TJ asked him about what happened to his arm (he has what looks like some finger-nail scratch marks on his forearm)he didn't know but said, "Maybe I could come up with it, TJ, but my mind is gone."
We all had to chuckle!

My nephew, Jonathan, being the optimist that he is, can find the positive even in adversity. During many dark days, Jonathan always asks his dad, "So, what's the good word on Poppy?" That's a great way to pose the question! I am truly pleased to be able to post this encouraging update--to give a "good word on Poppy!" But may we all learn from Jonathan--to look for the sunshine even when it's raining. That is living out I Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

April 9th

What is best for Dad?

We have been forced to ask the hard question now for quite a while--what is best for Dad? It is an continual giving up our own personal desires on behalf of Dad's best interests. I have come to realize that at Dad's current state of mind, it is too confusing for me to visit him without bringing Mom along. He seems to associate with seeing me that Mom should be present, too. And as for visits with my children, it is a catch-22; he seems bothered with me if I don't bring all three along, but when we all come to see him, he quickly tires of their "child-like" behavior in his small and confined room.
It is becoming increasingly difficult to leave him. He gets very insistent on going along when we prepare to leave. He told me on Sunday that he wanted to head to Pikeville--it would only be 120 miles. It is very rare to leave him in a peaceful state where he is content be "left behind."
I must repeat to myself over and over-- this is what is best for Dad right now. It is out of my hands. But Dad is never out of the hands of the Almighty God. I can rest in that truth.

True Love photo

True Love

In a culture that epitomizes youth with true love, I am struck again and again with the reality that true love between a husband and wife; deep, enduring, committed love that lasts, comes only after many years of facing life together. That realization hit me again yesterday as I watched my parents. Dad is unable to do much for himself, let alone care for Mom in any tangible way, yet she affectionately and tenderly greets him with, “How are you today, my love?” He vacillates between tenderness toward her and irritability at her. The rapid mood swings are part of the disease. One minute he will clench his teeth and shout angrily at her, often when he doesn’t understand some instruction, and the next minute he will be asking to kiss her on the cheek. It doesn’t seem to phase her; she calmly accepts it in stride as part of the horrid illness. She is one of the most gentle and patient individuals I have ever met.
Less than a month ago, the nursing home hosted a Valentine’s Day Dinner for residents and their spouses. The small dining room held less than a dozen round tables bedecked with red tablecloths, vases of fresh flowers and long-stemmed goblets. Each couple dined together as the piano played romantic songs from yesteryear. Dad was a mess that day. He needed help feeding himself. He couldn’t get the fork from his plate to his mouth and back down again without her hand guiding his arm. He set his glass awkwardly on the edge of his plate as Mom grabbed it to set it aright and keep from spilling the remaining beverage. He didn’t speak more than a few sentences the entire time.
Looking around, I saw residents in various stages of decline and ill health; I could hardly keep my emotions in check. What I observed was “fleshing out” the marriage vows of “til death do us part.” One resident’s husband had delivered a dozen red roses to his bride. The husband was wearing a 3-piece suit for this “date” with his wife who was too ill to even communicate with him. And on his face, he wore a contented smile as he maneuvered her wheelchair back to her room. These couples were just happy to be together. As I pushed Dad’s wheelchair back to his wing, my tears flowed as he reached for Mom who was walking beside his wheelchair and they moved hand in hand down the hallway.
On a recent day, I sat silent as I observed their interaction:
Dear Dad, in his state of confusion, quietly held Mom’s hand and asked her directly, “Where are you living at now, honey?”
“At home,” was the reply.
After a few seconds, Dad inquired, “And where is home?”
I watched her eyes as she paused and studied at the face of her beloved, her home had been wherever he was for so many years; location didn’t matter. What was she to say? She gave an address, “Near White Horse.”
That simple answer satisfied him, but broke my heart. Does that mean that their lifetime of shared memories is gone from his mind? He doesn’t know where his home is, but he knows that he feels at home--safe, secure and loved--with her. That’s all that matters.

"Through It All"

I am stunned. We had "all-but" an acceptance for Dad in a facility with a higher level of care; a long drive for Mom but close to the boys. Then comes the news, Dad's application has been denied. Yet again. And still we wait. And pray. The assets are quickly depleting. God is yet on his throne. How quickly we forget God sees the big picture! God doesn't need money to care for Dad (or Mom, either, for that matter).
With tears, we prayed together as a family on Sunday--Mom, her children and spouses for God's clear leading, that he would close doors and guide and direct us in this process. It was a sweet time, especially when Larry prayed about us all standing together around the throne of heaven someday, beside Dad who will be healed and whole!
So can we rejoice in a closed door? Absolutely! It means God is working, guiding and directing--we asked Him to!
Do I forget the One who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth? (Isaiah 51) He is MY God! Praise Him.
"Through it all, through it all, I've learned to trust in Jesus, I've learned to trust in God. Through it all, through it all, I've learned to depend upon his Word."

Dad's prayer

Therapy says “this is as good as he will get.” Insurance says now we must self-pay. Many facilities say they don’t want him because of undesirable behavior. The professionals say with this disease, it is hard to predict what will trigger unusual actions. He doesn’t know where he is, has angry outbursts, refuses to comply, stays in bed for days at a time, he forgets words, but God has not forsaken him. The Spirit is still at work in his life. Amazing. This was his prayer at lunchtime on Tuesday…short, simple, yet clearly spoken and profound.
"Heavenly Father,
We ask you to help us with all the decisions we have to make this day. We thank you now for this food; bless it to our bodies’ needs. We pray for each of our children that you would guide and direct them so that we may honor you. In Jesus’ name, Amen."

Standing by the bedside (posted by K J A)

As my brother has said so many times when trials come, “Most often the life lessons are for those loved ones gathered around the bedside watching.” God is a big God; there’s a lesson in here for us all. This will be a posting mostly about me. What I have learned, what I am learning and what I need yet to learn, as I feel as though I’ve been “gathered around” this bedside for quite some time, perhaps standing here alone before the others arrived. I write this not to glorify myself—it’s NOT all about me, in fact, this is MUCH bigger than me, how big, I will never know until eternity. My intent is to glorify God alone. And to perhaps encourage you, the reader, as you join with me in remembering God’s faithfulness. A healthy look back spurs one to keep going; “for he himself has said, ‘Never will I leave thee, never will I forsake thee.’” My journal is full of quotes, phrases, songs and most of all, Scripture—words that have been a balm to my aching soul.

God will never allow any hurt into your life that cannot be used for eternity. –Beth Moore Bible Study

Philippians 4:7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The darker the night, the more glorious the sunrise. –“Friends of Israel” Speaker

Trials are for my “highest good” --James MacDonald, “God’s Amazing Love”

“Be kinder than necessary…for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle. Live simply, love generously, care deeply, speak kindly…leave the rest to God. Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.” --Suzan
(This one was what my children realized as they walked the halls of the hospital—everyone is hurting in some way.)

Matthew 10:29-31 “Not even one sparrow falls to the ground apart form God’s will…do not fear, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.” When we face difficult circumstances, fear may cause us to wonder if God is aware of our situation. Jesus’ teaching assures us that God cares deeply and is in control. His tracking of our lives will never fail. –Our Daily Bread, Jan 14, 2009

Psalm 46:1-3, 11 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear…the Lord of hosts is here among us; the God of Israel is our refuge.”

“Blessed be your name in the land that is plentiful where your streams of abundance flow, blessed be your name. Blessed be your name when I’m found in the desert place though I walk through the wilderness, blessed be your name. Blessed be your name when the sun’s shining down on me, when the world’s all as it should be, blessed be your name. Blessed be your name on the road marked with suffering though there’s pain in the offering, blessed be your name. When the darkness closes in, Lord, still I will say, my heart will choose to say, Blessed Be Your Name!”

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

Proverbs 3:5&6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path.”

Focus not so much on the solution, but focus on the One who has the solution! --Rick Warren via Jenifer in S.S.

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.” Heb 12:2
“Therefore we do not lose heart…so we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Cor. 4:16-18

Isaiah 30:15, 18 “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength…blessed are all who wait for Him.” {The exact Hebrew word translated trust in this verse appears only once in the O T. The word bitchah means “there is nothing more that one can do.” ---Beth Moore} I’ve obeyed, there’s nothing more I can do but to trust.

Habakkuk 3:17-19 “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, YET I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights.”

"Love, Grammie"

How could two simple words elicit a flood of tears from me this morning? It was not what was said that brought the emotions, but what was NOT said that spoke volumes. The signature was simply and solely, “Love, Grammie.” The absence of Poppy’s name on my husband’s birthday card was glaringly evident and it hit me hard. Grief is unpredictable. It comes on its own timetable.
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12

2/11/2009 dad back in the home

Dad's condition going down again as he is back at the home. I think

his medication has been much increased. I have little confidence in
the home he is in, he is there because we have no other options. I
pray for another option.

A Rare Treasure (Posted By Kim Ferguson Anderson)

A Rare Treasure
Today was a rare treasure on this roller coaster of a ride. It was if someone had flipped a switch. From the agonizing thoughts on Tuesday of “Round 2. Here we go again. Is this how it will be from here on out??” to today of “will someone please tell me again what disease he has?” Dad has responded so well to hydration, the antibiotics and proper care at the hospital! Antics, laughing, joking, even thanking the nurses for their care in helping him to the bathroom! “Thank you, girls, I’d kiss everyone of you if I could!”
Thank you, God, for allowing me to see him like that today! It helps to take the sting out of the harsh reality that I’m either becoming numb or adjusting to disconnecting from my emotions so that I can cope.
What am I learning? In a nutshell? “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, YET I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.” Habakkuk 3:17-18
Dad and Larry singing together tonight sums it up…
“Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee, How great Thou art, How great Thou art!”

Family History - Posted by Kimberly (Ferguson) Anderson

Family history
My grandmother, Stella Victoria Myers married John Edward Ferguson in 1910 and gave birth to her first child, Anna Luella in 1911. She would be having babies for the next 25 years, giving the gift of life to 13 children in all. That fateful fall of 1936, Luella and Viola were already married, each having two boys of their own (Edgar Wilton born to Viola and Hollis in August and George Edward born to Luella and Dock in September of that year.) That left seven mouths to feed . Berta Zovadia, Charles Beachel (nearly 17), Joseph Hershel (15), John Estil, Mitchell Myers, Cora Ethel, Marshall (or Franklin Delano, as was his given name) not yet 3 years of age, were all at home. [Earnest Russell, first born son, died tragically 2 years before at age 1934, bleeding to death on the operating table as the doctor attempted to amputate his infected leg. Two other children had died as well, Edward J and Frances Ruth, neither living to see their second birthdays.
November 1, 1936, the Ferguson Home burned to the ground, forcing the family of 9 to seek refuge with Luella. Luella and Dock lived in the 2-room, “Annie White” House, already full with Wallace (age two) and newborn son, George. Twelve days after the fire, Ma-ma delivered her thirteenth baby, Virgil Garner, on November 13. November 14, 1936, Charles Beachel, who had just turned 17 on November 5, was shot and fatally wounded, dying the following day in a Dayton Doctor’s Office. On the day of the shooting, Beachel worked part of the day with Dock at…, came home to freshen up, put on a suit, sat down to play 3 sacred songs on the organ, bid his mother and one-day old baby brother good-bye and left. Since no eye-witnesses ever “told what they knew,” the truth of the events of that Saturday evening have gone to the grave with those who were present. [27-year-old Wesley Green was said to have threatened Beachel to not return to the restaurant where his young sister-in-law Lily waited tables and when he did, Wesley Green pulled a gun on Beachel and shot him in the side and back as he retreated. Beachel collapsed on the front porch of the establishment. My brother, Larry and I have seen the suit coat bearing the bullet holes and blood stains, preserved in Luella-fashion in her bedroom chifferobe.]
In the days surrounding those horrific events, both John and Joe left home, living with Viola and Luella, respectively.
Not even 18 months later, in April of 1938, Pa-pa suffered a stroke, that damaged the left side of his body. In June, that same year, Ma-ma also had a stroke, paralyzing her right side. The morning of her stroke, Ma-ma’s cow had gone dry and she was on her way to Luella’s. As she forced one foot in front of the other, the ground seemed distant. She managed to finish the 2 mile walk from her house to Luella’s, where, after collapsing on the porch, she would remain for the next six weeks, bed-ridden and unable to care for her family. The four youngest children, on hearing of their mother’s sudden illness, were sent to be nurtured once again under Luella’s care. As they made the trek to their big sister’s house, the four joined hands to travel the hot, dusty journey together.

A Quiet Visit

ME:"Hi Dad How are you"
Dad:"I am okay"
ME:"What you been doing all day"
Dad:"I've been laying here sleeping"
ME:"Any thing happen to day?"
Dad:"Kim and Mom came and visited"
Me:"Do you want to see some Pictures"
Dad:"Yes"
Me:"Where are your glasses, oh I see there over her on the table Let me put them on"
Me:"Look do you know who this is?"
Dad Looks at a Picture of Mom
Me:"That's mom"
Dad:"Bless her heart"
Me:"She said to tell you that she loves you"
Me:"So how are you feeling?
Dad:"I am hanging on by my teeth"
Me:"Would you like me to read some scripture to you?"
Dad:"Yes"
Me:"I'll Read Palms 139"

O LORD, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men. For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain. Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee? I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
(Psa 139:1-24)

I finish reading and Dad is asleep.

I pray with dad

Me:"Lord Thank you for this man. Thank you have given us this many years together. I pray that you will take care of my Father. I pray that you will hold him"

I start to Cry, can't finish praying.
I gather myself.

Me:"I am leaving now, I'll be back tomorrow"
Dad wakes up.
Me:"I Love you Dad"
Dad:"I Love you too Son"

I kiss him on his Cheek

Dad:"If there is any way that I can help you just let me know and I will help you"

Me:"I know you will dad, I Know you will"

Me:"I'll be back tomorrow"

Dad back asleep, I leave the room quitely.

As I walk alone through the halls of the rest home, I silently ponder the visit.

Posted By Kimberly (Ferguson) Anderson

Dear Praying friends,
January 15, 2009. My mom’s 72nd birthday. The day I dreaded for 3 years. The day, after Dad spending 10 days in the hospital, we were forced to place our beloved father and my mother’s sweetheart of more than 50 years in a dementia unit at a skilled nursing facility. My brothers and our families were together last night to support each other, cry and pray. I was honestly quite surprised at how hard everyone was taking it. I thought I was the only one grieving! I am learning that although Dad’s body is still with us and occasionally we see glimpses of the generous man that he was (“how much money do you need for gas?” he asked me at the hospital in a lucid moment ), he is fading quickly and slipping away to a place where none of us can reach him.
I am reminded this morning that Dad is never out of the reach of God’s loving hands. And although we are seeing the dreadful effects of sin and death ravaged upon this man, the victory in all of this is that God reigns!
“Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalm 46:10
Please continue to uphold us in prayer. I would ask for continued strength for Mom (and the rest of us) and peace for Dad’s mind, body and spirit. And also for wisdom for Peter and me as we help our children through this journey. They love their Poppy very much!
Here are the words of the chorus to Dad’s favorite hymn, its truth brings me comfort…

No one ever cared for me like Jesus,
There’s no other friend so kind as He;
No one else could take the sin and darkness from me—
O how much he cares for me!

No One Ever Cared for Me Like Jesus
by: Charles F. Weigle