Happy Birthday to me

I am 31 today. Mom called to say Dad wanted to wish me a happy birthday. When she put him on the line, he said, "Happy Mother's Day."
Now I know that it is possible to laugh AND cry from a broken heart at the same time.

Pretty Amazing

Smells from the past

Yesterday evening I was out on my porch working, when a smell from the past came to visit me. It was the smell of honeysuckles and spring wrapped up in a 65 to 70 degree evening. The essences of the evening carried me back to vacation memories of my child hood. As a Child the very first week after the end of school our family would pile into the family car and Travel to Tennessee, to see relatives, to have fun and to be free.
Since our family car didn’t have air-conditioning we usually traveled at night with the windows open, and that 65 degree honeysuckle smell following us all the way to Tennessee. That same smell visited me last night on my pourch, and took me back to that car, those trips and to a better time, when the cares of the world, had not yet learned how to wear me down, a time when my Dad could do no wrong, a time when my Dad would protect us for anything that should come. It was so good to visit that place, if only for a second, and if only in my memories.

It is well with my soul

What a joy to stand beside Dad in church today and hear him sing loudly and clearly, "It is well with my soul!!" My heart sang! If I didn't know better, I could almost fool myself into thinking that the new medication is helping him.
And there have been other good times in recent days--hearty eating, joining in conversation, even joking and laughing.
Thank you, God, for some much-needed sunshine amid dark and cloudy days!

03/21/08

Then and Now- I don’t want to forget

Please God, as the demands of today become so glaring and ugly, and yesterday blurs and fades, give me love for the person he is now, but never let me forget the man he was.

Memories?

Alzheimer's disease is a terrible thing. It robs you of people you have loved for many years. It comes silently to rob, bit by bit it steals the riches of life, memories, from the essence of life, your soul. What is the most horrendous part of the theft is that you don't realize that a robbery has taken place.

On Friday our family met with a lawyer. He said, we have to diminish your family's assets. It made me think, isn't that really what is going on with this disease now any way? Isn't the disease diminishing all the earthly assets we have? The most precious thing we accumulate over life, our memories?

My emotions are too numb to deal with this, I haven't been able to process any of this. I live from day to day not being able to absorb any of this. This is another reason I am questioning God. What are you doing?